in parentheses

for the unnamed

I’m baffled by you,
tiny monsoon.
You come into my womb,
and destroy me.

Not a fight or a flaw,
but a heartbeat I saw
was all
that it took to deploy me.

Whose future was it
I so lightly dismissed,
when kissed,
I let him enjoy me?

Was it yours, little stranger?
Did you sense the danger
when your fleshy manger
embroiled me?

Was it him I negated?
His hopes that I hated
in hopes he was fated
to spoil me?

Was it me I forgot
when I gave up my lot,
scraped out your spot,
And tore you?

I could feel you say
(in your own little way)
that you wanted to stay.
I ignored you.

Now my love, buried deep,
comes to me in my sleep,
but some dreams I can’t keep.
I adored you.

You’re so far!
You’re so far.
They put you in a jar.
I don’t know where you are.
There’s no more you.

And sometimes I forget,
you were here little pet,
but tonight, my cheeks wet,
I weep for you.
You were mine, once in time,
But I strayed from the signs.
I committed my crime.
There’s no more you.

My baby, my part,
rest now in my heart.
Someday divine art
will restore you.

And I will be here,
this time without fear,
getting better each year,
ready for you.